Opinion

Special Needs Parenting: How can I help if you don't ask?

The other day it finally happened.  After years of begging, it just naturally came about, I think for a brief moment I made my friend's life a wee bit easier.  She was just stopping by to pick something up and I asked if she was going to stay with her child for dinner?  She said “no” but maybe her husband would come by later…This is a default answer to my invitation to make her life easier, I get it…she doesn't really want to ask me for anything or need anything, but hey, I offered! I am cooking for my three kids and husband anyway, believe me there is more than enough to go around...it’s my pleasure…(they don’t eat my food anyway!) So, 5:30 rolls around and she admits, yes she is hungry. Finally, she won’t have to figure out dinner for her, her husband and child tonight.  They can sit back, eat, and make a mess and leave!  It’s about time!  Sure we’ve had them over before, yes we go out as couples, but this was different, it felt like a little burden was eased tonight for her.  It felt good.  I offer quite frequently but always get turned down. This leads me to ask.  How can you help out people if they don’t always seem to want it?  In my case I have to be persistent.  Maybe I am not asking the right questions or offering the right kind of help, I guess I will have to check in on that.  I think it’s hard for parents with kids with challenges to accept help from people with kids without challenges, maybe?  Maybe we all need to shift our focus a little and realize we are just parents trying to get by.  At the end of the day, no matter what, it’s tough! It feels good to give someone a break, it really does.  On the other hand, doesn’t it feel good to get one?  People should be taken at their word, if they offer help, take it.  If someone offers a cooked meal, picking up your kid, time to vent on the phone, whatever…take it.  Don’t over think it. Bottom line here:  No one is a mind reader. If this isn’t the help you are looking for and someone is a genuine friend, tell them what you really need.  If someone offers a hand, hold it, you both will benefit!