Parenting

Testing The Boundaries: Taking An Experts Advice On Talking With Your Kid

As with all children, how you talk to your child with special needs has a huge impact on whether they’ll listen to you. It also determines how they’ll respond. Sometimes, we unknowingly undermine their ability to express themselves by always anticipating their needs or even talking on their behalf. Other times, we underestimate what they know or are capable of understanding. To build healthy relationships with our children, we need to remember that communication is a two-way street. Both you and your child need to put in effort to make the most of your conversations.

Recommendations from the experts:

1. Get on their level.

Always towering over your child as you talk with them can make you seem more intimidating, increasing their anxiety. Catch your child’s attention and help them hear you better by getting down to where they are. Sitting, squatting or kneeling so you are at the same level also makes it easier for them to talk, play and draw your attention.

2. Spend time listening.

Talking with your kid will be much simpler if you choose a time when both of you are relaxed, comfortable and receptive to each other. You’ll both have more fulfilling conversations if you schedule one-on-one time with your kid when there are minimal distractions. You can talk as you walk the dog, read a bedtime story together or even as you drive home from school. Specific actions like getting to their level, tilting your head, repeating what they say and even asking specific questions all show your child that you are tuned in to what they’re saying. If you really can’t talk at that moment, don’t pretend to listen. Instead, let them know you’re in the middle of something, propose a time when they can have your complete attention and always follow through.

3. Find what works for your child.

Children are all different and what works for one might be unsuitable for another. So spend some time finding which communication strategy works best for your kid. Keep in mind that even non-verbal children do have a lot to say, you just have to find a way to allow them to express themselves. Singing, art, music, tactile activities, sign language, visual guides, typing and even puppets can all work wonders and draw out your child. This advice also applies to tantrums, panic attacks and other meltdowns. While you might be able to calm down one child by calmly talking to them, this technique might backfire with someone else. Keep trying new approaches to see what works.

4. Create opportunities for them to communicate.

As mentioned before, we (or our children’s carers) can be guilty of doing so much for our kids that we end up denying them reasons to communicate for themselves. We tend to forget that if our kids are to learn how to communicate, they need to be given reasons and opportunities to do so. Instead of always anticipating and meeting their every need, create chances that will make communication necessary. For instance, try putting your child’s books, toys or other objects in a place where they’ll need to ask for them. Similarly, you can create opportunities for conversation by giving your child options to choose from or asking their opinion. Just take care to keep things simple to avoid frustrating them.

5. Don’t avoid tough topics.

Talking with kids about things like death, sex, racism etc., is difficult but it has to be done. We sometimes underestimate how much our kids can comprehend and how much they are actually exposed to. Of course, what we tell them depends a lot on our feelings and beliefs as well as on their age (or developmental age). It also depends on the specifics of the situation. While each child will have their own unique understanding and reaction to these tough subjects, we owe it to them to keep our explanations as clear, simple and truthful as we can. You should also make a point of talking to your child about bullying. Children with special needs are often easy targets for bullies because of their physical, emotional and mental differences which other kids might perceive as weaknesses. Prepare them in advance and encourage them to come to you if it happens. If your child is bullied, talk about it and get as much information as you can about the incident then approach the school to mediate between you and the bully’s parent. Becoming an effective communicator really isn’t as complicated as it might seem. It’s actually a fun way for you and your child to learn more about each other.