Opinion

Autism goes to the Doctor

I am a proud parent. I often think of myself as an eternal optimist. I am happily married, have a job I love and feel happy with my life. All that being said sometimes I have moments where I am lost, afraid and lonely. Sometimes I feel for a moment like I think my child feels most of the time. I recently picked up my younger three kids from school. That would normally be a treat for them and for me as I work full time and typically would not pick them up from school. I did so this day because we were going to the doctor’s office for shots. My daughter Ellie has Autism. She is often anxious and worries about things. When she saw me picking her up she asked, “What’s wrong?” I smiled and said “everything is fine, I am taking you somewhere today”, Ellie immediately responded with “were getting shots aren’t we?” I don’t lie, I answered “Yes” and then epic meltdown and panic attack set in. We were only a five minute ride to the office. It felt like five hours. I watched my other two children through the rearview mirror and cringed. I had made plans for someone to come with me, they backed out last minute. Now my 12 year old became the caregiver for my 4 year old and I felt guilty, sad and frustrated. I maintained my ever present positive attitude, I smiled politely as others stared in the waiting room as my child screamed, panicked and begged me to reconsider her shot. I did everything I could to calm her, to reassure her, to support her in her meltdown, I failed somehow. I finally weakly smiled at the nurse and said “sometimes her Autism gets the best of her” she smiled back and said “its fine mom, you are doing your best”