Opinion, Parenting, Special Education

Special Needs Parents: Do you really want my opinion?

Speaking up…When people ask for your opinion should you give it? In my youth I often gave my opinion to people with unabashed confidence and charm. Let’s call those growing pains!  As I have grown up I have learned a valuable lesson, don’t offer advice unless it is asked for. However, more recently I have discovered that even when people ASK for your opinion they don’t always want it.  Often they just want to hear themselves talk, process something out or feel that they have sought someone else’s opinion for reassurance. For me this can be especially frustrating because often I am asked professional advice from friends and family, as well as personal questions in a professional setting. When someone asks for your opinion, and you’re not really sure that honesty is the best policy, how should you handle it?  Make sure to clarify.  “Are you sure you want my opinion on this matter”?  Just know that you are now in a situation where you may have to defend what you’ve just said! Talking like an expert when you are not Within the Special Education community parents, teachers and other people are often put in compromising positions.  They are often made out to be “experts” in a field because they have a child with a condition, or because they work in a certain field.  Many people look to them to tell us if they see something like that in our child. Or, to confirm if we notice something that stands out in another person.  I caution against this behavior.  We should not assume that someone is an expert on the subject just because it’s a part of their life.  They may be an expert on their child, or their situation, but not necessarily on the whole topic you are asking about. So I should never give an opinion? From time to time you may slip up and just blurt out an opinion; you are human after all. But, for the most part try and play it safe so feelings don’t get hurt.  You might tell your friend that you “appreciate they value your opinion, but you’re just not sure how to answer this” and gently suggest, maybe they should ask a professional.  Is your opinion really worth getting in the way of a friendship when neither one of you are “experts.”  Obviously we are not talking about what color shoes go with the nice dress for the party…no one’s feelings are getting hurt over something like that.  If someone notices that their child isn’t speaking or playing like “other” kids and they ask you what you think, just pause.  Sure you can admit to what you notice as well, but be careful as to what else you might say.  Maybe put yourself in their position, how would it feel to you if your friend spoke up and was honest…think about it?  Not everyone can handle honesty in the same way.  So if you are hesitant, a little unsure… Just follow your initial instinct and recommend a professional if they are concerned. The bottom line when you can, take a deep breathe and pause.  Try to keep your opinions close to the vest, because chances are the person soliciting it may not be really looking for it.  Also keep in mind, if they are asking you something, they might not be prepared for the answer.  They may know what is going on or maybe suspect something and you giving your opinion out loud just confirms their fears and beliefs.  Do you want to be that person?  The one who opens the floodgates to the truth and their new reality?  Try and be the friend they really need and steer them in the direction of getting the right support and help they need!  If something turns up later, they will want your friendship and support in a different way.  You will be grateful for that choice later!