Resources, Therapy Tips

How to Encourage a Child with Special Needs to Share and Play

Children with Special needs often have trouble in play situations.  I have spent many a therapy session sitting on the floor with one of my patients coaching them on developmental play skills. Due to anxiety, these kids often want to assume the leadership role when that usually is not their forte.  They are often sticklers for rules to the ultimate extreme.  They also have difficulty with being flexible and not going with the flow.  Their low self-esteem hinders them from giving compliments and sharing.  All of these characteristics and more can make them unpopular play date choices with other kids. Here are a few simple rules you can teach your child that can make a big difference:

1. It’s all about having fun

Instead of focusing on winning or having everything go a certain way in a fantasy scenario, help your child learn that most children just want to have fun.  Try to sell the concept that laughing and cheering on others can be just as fun and the other kids will want to play with them again.

2. Don’t get uptight, be cool

Learning to relax and flex are key to enjoying playtime with others.  Encourage your child to practice relaxing (deep breaths - imagining a fun scene) when they are at home.  Teach them that flexing (going with the flow) and learning to be OK with changes in plans prevents melt-downs and feeling sad when others get mad.

3. Use encouraging words

Saying nice things to other makes them feel good and you feel good.  Practice it at home by saying nice things to other family members, pets, stuffed toys and anyone else.  Demonstrate it for them.  Then praise them whenever you see them practicing the skill, even if you have to prompt them to do it.

4. Do kind things

The best way to make friends is to be a friend.  Have your child practice sharing a toy with you or someone in the family. Demonstrate with stuffed animals. Show them what isn’t sharing and then sharing in a way that your child will see that it’s better to share.  When they are going to play outside the home or having someone over, point out things they can share.  Encourage them to see the smile on someone else’s face. Try to teach them to recognize opportunities to be a helper.  When you’re out and about, reading to your child or watching TV, if you see a good example of helping, point it out.  Also, point out how the gesture was received by others.  Tell your child, “You could be a helper just like them”.  Ask them what they think they could do that would be helpful to others.

5. Follow the leader

Tell your child that in any situation there is usually only one leader.  Depending on your child’s age you could provide examples, such as the President or the Mayor of your town. Look for examples in books or TV shows your child likes. Help them to understand that being a follower can be just as much fun as being the leader. Demonstrate with puppets, action figures or stuffed toys. Have them practice being both the follower and leader at home. Try to make the leader role not seem as essential by playfully challenging them in the leader role. I have found these five rules to be fairly easy to understand by most children, especially when they can observe them in real or imaginary situations.  Finally, always remember to rehearse and rehash.  Prepare them for a play situation as best as you can and then review the “films” to point out what went well and where they could have tried something different.  Patience, practice and praise are the three keys to being a successful play coach.