Parenting

6 Common Fibs We Shouldn’t Tell Our Teens Anymore

Nearly every parent struggles at some point when they raise a child, but parenting teens with special needs is especially difficult. Parents can easily make mistakes, so a strong support system can help. One mistake parents commonly make is telling their kids fibs as they are growing up, such as pretending that Santa Claus brings children presents or that the Tooth Fairy leaves money for them when they lose a tooth. However, by the time children are teens, parents should quit making up stories and be up front about facts they need as they face life on their own. Here are six common fibs that we shouldn’t tell our teens anymore.

Fib #1: Grownups Never Make Mistakes

By the time your child is a teen, he or she knows that parents make mistakes. However, they should learn that you might have made serious mistakes that could have had lasting consequences. Some of these might include a previous marriage, an abortion, addictions, an arrest and conviction and other challenging life events. Talk to your teen openly about these matters and share what you have learned from your mistakes. If you hide this information, it might come out at a very inconvenient time. By addressing any issues on your terms, you have control over what you share.

Fib #2: Parents Are Immune To Sickness

By the time children are teens, they know enough to tell if one of you is facing a terminal illness. You are frequently “run down,” missing work, lacking in energy or unable to do even the smallest activities. You need to give the children age-appropriate information about the cancer or disease and help them prepare for the eventual death of a parent. They can process their grief in a healthy manner — a key life skill — instead of being shocked when their parent dies. Your attitude can help your teen work through their emotions instead of burying their fears about your illness.

Fib #3: Death Comes With Old Age

If the child is the one who is seriously ill, parents might face even greater struggles when trying to decide how to address the subject of possible death. Even so, parents should process this possibility with their child, grieving together and dealing with emotions. Professional counselors can intervene to help you with this.

Fib #4: Mom and Dad Don't Fight

Children sense when something is amiss in their parent’s marriage, especially if your routine changes — you move, one parent disappears for weeks at a time, yelling, or dishing out the cold-shoulder treatment. Be open about relationship struggles. It's healthy and normal to disagree on topics. Your children will benefit from seeing your disagreements - if they are handled in a healthy and rational way. Learning how to fight fairly with your spouse will set a great example for conflict resolution in your home.

Fib #5: Money Grows On Trees

Adults know the in's and out's of working hard, earning a paycheck, and covering the bills. But do your kids? They sit comfortably and well fed, trusting that mom and dad have everything handled. This provides a sense of security for our children that is very important in their youth. But that doesn't mean you can involve the kids in financial planning when you pay your bills. Teaching them how you manage your budget and spending will set a strong foundation for financial stability as they start to earn their own paycheck.

Fib #6: Everyone Is A Winner

Participation trophies are a plague of millennials these days. They've spurred a generation of youth and young adults who think they're extra special. And if they aren't extra special, they aren't as valuable as those who are. This thinking that we're capable of anything or that we can have any career we put our minds to can have damaging effects on our self esteem. It's important to show our kids that these success stories we see online and in the real worried are riddled with loss and failed attempts. So as they come up against struggles, they can remember that everyone does. So push through them and keep working towards your goals like Elon Musk and many other successful men and women in the world. All six of these issues are extremely serious and difficult for even the most functional and well-adjusted families to handle. Families who are struggling under the strain of a child’s disability might need additional support, resources, and help from a professional. You are not alone in facing these challenges. If you need help, reach out so that you can effectively cope and help your teen as well.