Marijke Jones
There's More Than One Road
“My whole life, I felt like I was being shuttled along this highway that everybody thought I needed to go down. Everyone thinks we all have to head down Route 5 to get to…wherever. So they do everything to make sure you get down flipping Route 5 somehow. But there are so many other ways to go! I didn’t see a reason to even show up for my education – or my life, for that matter – until I found a whole other route that made sense to me.” ~ Karli H., age 22, who almost dropped out of high school, but just graduated from a college program teaching Experiential Education In my last blog, I discussed the “just-right challenge” – that sweet spot of just how much your child can handle without it being overwhelming, after which point everything is just diminishing returns anyway so why bother? I found this an indispensable guide when setting up homeschool goals, figuring out how much therapy to line up at any given time, and for generally getting over myself when CJ’s stamina didn’t match up with my plans. But how do you create that just-right school environment? If your child is in school, you’re pretty much at their mercy, right? I mean, you can fight for an IEP and modifications, but your child is still basically trying to work through the same curriculum as everyone else, right? Not necessarily. 
Many parents (myself included) have had the impression that you’re either in school, which means always trying to keep up with its expectations, or you’re homeschooling, which means “just you and your kid, at home, trying not to kill each other.” There’s actually a huge range of possibilities, both at home and at school. Figuring out what they all are can be daunting. But if you come out of it with an arrangement that leaves your child feeling more able to participate in school and life, you win all the way around. The following options cover the main categories that I’ve seen. Choices vary from state to state (for example, in CA you cannot homeschool unless you are a teacher) and even district to district, but hopefully this will give you enough ideas to look around more effectively.
1. Homeschooling: It’s not all up to you
First of all, I personally never met another homeschool family that spent that much time at home. One friend joked that we should call it “carschooling” because we all spent so much time carting our kids around. Granted, I live in a very “think outside the box” area where there are numerous homeschool families and therefore a large market for homeschool activities at rec centers, museums, libraries and other community centers. Look up “homeschooling networks” in your area. You might be surprised at the resources you can find (or help create). Also, there are many accredited homeschool programs out there that offer full curricula. You can follow them exclusively, mix and match, or use them as a guide. Umbrella schools can help you with all the testing and requirements you need to keep all your paperwork in order – for the state, for high school requirements should your child want to attend later, or for college-level testing and applications. There are also homeschool conferences and websites that can help you find resources, networks and motivation.
2. Group homeschooling: share the resources, the responsibility, and the fun!
We found the sweetest groups that did long-term projects, once or twice a week, with one teacher. One motivated group found a bunch of different teachers to teach a few times a week. We had “Tuesday/Thursday School” for a year, and they did such cool projects I was jealous! Other families form groups wherein each family takes a turn doing a “workshop” (a one-time art or math project, for example) for all the kids. (Side note: People always worry about socialization when it comes to homeschooling, but most of the homeschooled children I’ve known – because of the multi-age groups and the way they interact with different parts of the community, among other things – are actually more polite, confident, and aware of others than some of their regularly-schooled counterparts.)
3. Online school – the full curriculum of your school district, online
Some districts require a medical or other clear-cut excuse for using this, but many simply offer it as another option. This often works best with self-motivated students, past elementary school, who can keep themselves on track. Children who might benefit from this option include:
- Those who need more freedom of movement and/or a less stimulating environment throughout their day,
- Those who need to go at their own pace, either faster or slower, and
- Those who need a break from the social intensity of school (I’m talking really severe conditions here, like constant bullying, social anxiety that makes every day torturous, or other chronic problems that only create stress and do not seem to be resolving. Sometimes, kids might just need enough of a break to regroup.)
4. Part-time school
Many school districts offer the option of taking only a few classes. There is huge variety here, but many at least allow homeschooled students to join electives such as art, band or sports.
5. Specialty schools
You might take a look at some of the other schools in your area: schools with a special focus like STEM programs or art schools, smaller charter or magnet schools, experiential approaches. There is more and more choice, even in the public school arena. The most important thing to remember is: There’s not One Right Way to do this. Jumping off the ‘normal train’ does not mean your child has revoked ‘normal’ or ‘successful’ for the rest of his life. A student can even give up on high school entirely, then realize he does want to go to college or vocational school, and there are still options. Community college is there for everyone, and has transfer programs so that students can work their way to more challenging schools after getting their associates’ degree. I know one young man whose youth involved drugs, depression, dropping out of school and being on suicide watch. He has now worked his way back up to engineering school in an excellent program. Not that you want to use him as a role model, but my point is: alternate routes are not the end of the world. Remember: it’s not about what the school system needs from your child. It’s about what your child needs in order to learn, to enjoy engaging with life, and to be confident in his abilities. Some kids, like Karli in the opening quote, really need to find their own road. The whole “Everybody down Route 5!” way of thinking is outdated, unnecessary and not going to serve our most neurodiverse students.
